My Saving Grace

The crucifixion of a man named Jesus Christ sparked a revolution in which the gospel was widespread and every ear that would hear the name wanted to know more about this man and what he did. At 10 years old, I asked the same questions that were asked then. Who was he? What exactly did he do? Why would he do this? A bonfire of questions that burned like the sun was lit by a single verse that would be enough firewood to burn right through my winter. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son to pay for sin, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16) Everlasting life was a phrase that stuck to me and once again sparked a blaze. Everlasting life? You can be saved from your sins? How? I was infatuated with this idea of everlasting life and what the man named Jesus did for me. I had to know more.

My first reading of this verse was the spark to the fire. The more I read, the more my thirst for knowledge grew. The way the pages caught to flames and bellowed smoke that blew my mind into every which way just took me to places I’ve never been. All I could do was read, and follow wherever the words took me. This of course was not the only thing that fueled my desire for knowledge. It was in fact, just living around the Christian life style and seeing how other people praised and spoke to God and treated others around them. I always grew up with the idea that being a Christian was sometimes difficult but life somehow always worked out in the end. I grew up with old people at church telling me “Now son, being a Christian is all about giving everything to God and loving him with all your heart.” and I would always reply with “Yes ma’am.” “Yes sir.” Occasionally I would get a little bold and ask “How do I do that?” they would answer with “Love him more than anything else in this world, even your family.” Building off of this in my younger years wasn’t really that difficult seeing as I only had a vague interpretation of what it means to be a Christian and I didn’t really need to know more. Well, so I thought. Even through this foggy understanding, I still read the Bible in and out and you could find me scavenging for an answer to all my questions. The words, the dialogue, it all rushed into me and my love for Jesus and my gratitude for what he did for me expanded exponentially to the point where I wanted only one thing. I wanted to be saved.

Getting saved was something I always heard about through stories of my friends or adults around me or at church. I never really thought too much about it until I realized that this was the way to everlasting life! This was the way to show my thanks to Jesus! This was the way to fully believe in the man who saved me. As soon as I realized this, I began to imagine the experience being so extravagant and spectacular, but everyone always downplayed it like it was normal. Sure, to some degree it’s normal for kids and people to get saved, but why wouldn’t it be like the heavens opening up to a golden sun ray striking your bonfire to warm your heart and finally completing the spark once started by a single verse found on a random Thursday? My expectations were sky-high, but they soon started to be filled with anxiety and nervousness. The biggest question that crept into my mind was What if I mess up? This was my first glimpse and taste of the devil and his temptations. My bonfire that was once blazing was now on the verge of being extinguished. Even through the Satan’s stabs, his plan was to be thwarted by a courage that I could only dream of acquiring myself.

A normal school day it was, just normal. Until I heard that my grandfather was picking me up. As soon as I heard this, my immediate thought was to ask him about getting saved and that had a lot of logic behind it. See back then and still now, I think my grandfather knows just about everything to do with being Christian. If there was anyone I could’ve asked for guidance, it was him. He picked me up from school that day and said his usual phrase “Hey Connor-man!” and I reply with “Hey Pawpaw.” He did the usual and asked me about my day and if I learned anything, but the whole car ride, I had a mental battle with myself in which two thoughts played a war that never seemed to end. Should I ask him? No, don’t ask him. Why not? You’ll mess up. I soon realized I was out of time and I missed my chance. Then my grandfather told me we had to wait at his house for my dad to pick me up. This was my chance. A little time passed and I finally got the courage to ask the big question. “Pawpaw, what does getting saved mean?” He turned with a big ole grin and said, “Well, it means letting Jesus into your heart so you can go to heaven with him.” We talked about the details of it and how it works and I said, “I want to get saved.” he replied with “Alrighty well come back here to my office and we’ll pray and get you saved.”.

As I followed him down the hallway, I thought about all of the kids that told me it was just normal and downplayed the experience to that of a normal prayer. I felt the devil trying to linger back to stop me and scare me, but this courage only found from the holy spirit itself pushed me into the room with no doubt of the experience to come. We sat down and prayed to Jesus. “Lord we come to you today as welcoming for you into ole Connor man’s heart.” “Lord, we ask you to come down into Connor’s heart so that he may live the way you want him to and so that he can serve you to the best of his ability.” All I could do was cry over the overwhelming feeling of love and holiness in the room. The room suddenly became warmer the more we prayed and I could feel the holiness of the Lord wrap around me. With quivering lips I said, “Jesus, I love you with all of my heart, and all of my mind, and all of my strength. Jesus please come into my heart and save me of my sins.” Then everything stopped. It seemed as if everything going on around me all bundled up and flew into my chest. I felt as if I was new. I felt as if I was fresh or like a brand new person. As I walked out of the room and into the hallway and down to the living room, everything looked different. I saw things differently. I saw people differently. Everything changed from that moment.

Soon after that day, I just grew closer to the Lord. I read the bible even more. I acted better than I ever have in my life, and I finally started thinking about more than what is right in front of me. This very moment changed me for the better and will continue to change me for as long as I live. Some time after my saving, I was baptized and that was a whole other experience for a different time. I finally had my questions answered. Who is Jesus? He is the son of God and my saviour who put his life down for my sins. What did he do? He saved me of my sins by dying on the cross. Why would he do this? He did it because he loves us.